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A PARODY COOKBOOK ON FOOD SAFETY

Sneeze Platter

Even a choosy patron would not turn their nose up at this fine selection of cheeses, and hopefully they will mistake that fine covering of spray with a sweating cheese.

Disgusted Tarts

There’s nothing quite like sinking your teeth into a smooth custard tart – unless you can hide that little extra in there. I recommend a used Band-Aid to show that your chef does give 100%.

Chocolate Mousstake

People are always fighting over our recipes, but let the coroner decide whose Mousstake it was. “Secret” ingredients make for good marketing, but not when they are cleaning products.

Whot Dogs

While a hair of the dog may cure hangovers, it will quickly cause one for you if it appears at the wrong time.

Puking Duck

What do you do when a customer has an uninvited technicolour yawn? If you don’t clean house after they clean house then you may as well hurl your customers out the door so they can decorate the pavement.

Oysters KilledPatrick

Forget about a dozen, or half a dozen – it only takes a single one of these to bring a grown man down. One dodgy oyster and you will have Pat driving the porcelain bus in no time.