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A PARODY COOKBOOK ON FOOD SAFETY

Sneeze Platter

Even a choosy patron would not turn their nose up at this fine selection of cheeses, and hopefully they will mistake that fine covering of spray with a sweating cheese.

Shepherd’s Die With E.ColiFlower Mash

While the shepherd was cutting corners with a carcass they introduced a bit more than they bargained for. When the cook cuts corners with the baking they made sure the problem remained.

Whot Dogs

While a hair of the dog may cure hangovers, it will quickly cause one for you if it appears at the wrong time.

RatOrTwoE

You may not have a rat that is an accomplished chef, but that doesn’t stop them from contributing to your dishes.

Puking Duck

What do you do when a customer has an uninvited technicolour yawn? If you don’t clean house after they clean house then you may as well hurl your customers out the door so they can decorate the pavement.

Traditional Lamb Spew

A great recipe comes from deep within and this one will have your customer’s business repeating in no time.

Beef FindaLoo

You open the fridge door on Monday morning only to be greeted with a blast of warm air and the stench of rotting meat. Now is the time to rely on a traditional solution to mask the flavour of disaster – curry!

Chicken Seizure Salad

With a quick sleight of hand you can turn a boring Caesar Salad into something your customer will be talking about for the next week.

Oysters KilledPatrick

Forget about a dozen, or half a dozen – it only takes a single one of these to bring a grown man down. One dodgy oyster and you will have Pat driving the porcelain bus in no time.